Wednesday, August 25, 2010

To fill a need...

I was recently reacquainted with a young man I had initially met when he was 9. I wasn't much older. Unloved and uncared for by his own family, he was known for being an angry and sometimes violent boy. We were friendly and spent a bit of time together when we could.

There were those in the neighborhood who tried to help. They gave him the occasional place after school and a meal. Of course he ended up in trouble and developed quite the reputation as a person you did not want to be on the bad side of.

I have been traveling extensively over the last decade but every so often, as I touched based with people from the old home front, I would hear something about the young man. He had made a brief effort to straighten himself out but the emotional drain was too much and he fell back to his old ways.

Old neighbors invited me to a picnic and I saw him again. He is almost 30 now. 6'2", 190 lbs with a shaved head, lots of tattoos and a fuck-you-let's-fight attitude, he gave off a dangerous vibe. People greeted him but being the herd creatures they were, carefully kept their distance from a potential predator.

He remembered me and I got an immediate hug. We sat down to catch up and I was deeply moved by what I saw and everyone else seemed to miss. This was someone in deep pain. A scared, vulnerable boy clearly visible to any Dominant, knowing person.

There were straight, heavy scars visible across his shoulders and sides. I understood immediately what they were. When I asked, he admitted that when he felt the most out of control, he would ask a friend to whip him bloody. He said it was easier to deal with physical pain than what was going on in his head.

I am telling you right now, I ACHED to take this man home. He had a void I needed to fill. I wanted to chain him in a room and slowly break him, until he understood deep in his soul that his only choice was acceptance. That he was neither in control of nor responsible for the things that were happening to him. Then, when I had his uncompromising submission and trust I would rebuild him. Make him strong again...

We exchanged numbers and may or may not cross paths again, but the burning urge to care for this man will take a long time to fade.

UPDATE: 5/22/11

I recently ran into this young man again. I am very sad to say he is in quite a bit of trouble psychologically.

He was excited and happy to see me, but it quickly became apparent there were significant isssues at hand. For the rest of the story I shall call this young man "Tim". This is obviously not his real name.

Finding out he was newly married, I invited Tim and his wife over for dinner and to catch up. The evening did not progress well.

I keep several types of alcohol on hand for my various friends. Tim drank a tumbler of whiskey as easily as I drink sweet tea. He alternated between tears and anger as we discussed some of the issues in his past. I understood immediately that Tim should not drink...EVER. (This was a serious escalation from last year, when he had several beers at the picnic and remained completely calm and focused.)

When he started to refill his glass for the 3rd time, I removed the alcohol from the table and put it away. We continued our chat but my concern over Tim's behaviour grew. His wife obviously was not aware of significant portions of his past, but was trying to be supportive. Unfortunately she is a quiet, plain girl who thinks she hit the jackpot with Tim.

At first I let him rant, then tried to gently redirect him. When that did not work, I became more aggressive and let him know he needed to calm down immediately as I was not going to allow him to behave this way in my home. Tim walked back to the kitchen to find the bottle he had been drinking from and get another drink. I immediately poured every bit of alcohol in the house down the sink, letting him know he would never have another drop while with me.

We spent a couple of hours discussing his self-destructive behaviours and the fact that he was really hurting the ones who loved him. He manically alternated between tears and anger over situations from his past. His cycles of depression and rage were quite extreme and I was deeply saddened by his state. It was undeniably clear that Tim requires significant professional help at this point.

After I calmed him, Tim fell asleep on the couch. I attempted to speak with his wife about counseling for both of them, as I am sure she has some of her own issues. This is not hidden behaviour, she is aware of what is going on.

I let Tim sleep for an hour, then woke him. Before I sent him on his way, I let him know that we would not be seeing each other again. I told him he had a lot of work ahead of him and wished him well, at the same time letting him know I would not be party to any of his future antics.

I took my stand and the ball is in his court. I hope that Tim will seek help, but I am not holding my breath. I wish the best for him and hope he can find the peace he so desperately needs.

6 comments:

Chrissy Munder said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chrissy Munder said...

Hi Sassy, I just wanted to catch up and see how the blog is going. You have some great content and I hope to hear this meeting continue. Happy September.

*edited due to horrid spelling*

mistress maddie said...

WOW! Your a good friend with heart and lots of guts too. All that anger and spirit mixed together could be very lethal comboination. I hop e all works out with him.

Sassy said...

Maddie,
You are completely correct on the danger that could have presented. The only reason I was not more concerned was:
1) he was very focused on the past. There was no anger towards anyone currently.
2) we previously had a bit of D/s dynamic running although we were never in a physical relationship. He has always wanted to please me and follow my lead.

If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have allowed the night to go on as long as it did.

Skilled4Men said...

This takes much Courage on your part -perhaps more than you give yourself credit for! The hardest part of loving is sometimes finding the strength to let go -and yes, that does instill a sense of loss/mourning.
To have done any differently would have been to condone Tim's ill behavior. At times we are called on to make a stand based purely on principal -where it gets sticky is when it involves someone we care for so deeply... "Tough Love" -if you will.
I wish the best for your friend, and hope somehow he finds his way. And for you, my deepest respect -and oodles of "Hugs!"

Sassy said...

Skill,
You are right, I do feel a sense of loss/mourning. I am also saddened at the tremendous potential wasted.

Thanks for the hug love.
Sassy