Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Stalking and Inspiration

I have always paid attention to all aspects of the human form. Especially male. I love how men look and their scent and the weird funny things they do. That was part of the inspiration for this blog, though not the origin of it. The original intent as a reviewing site for M/M BDSM and D/s erotica has morphed into a ramblings and picture blog and I am having a blast.

I flirt and get flirted with quite a bit. While men are quick to start flirting, they are sometimes thrown by my aggressive personality. I don't mean the aggression in a bad way, it's just who I am and it is not unusual for someone to quickly back off and decide flirting with me wasn't the best idea.

There are those however, who simply roll their eyes and give me shit right back. I adore those special personalities and we often become good friends.

I recently introduced myself via email to the fabulous Kip Herr. He runs both ABSoluteMen.com and BeautifulMen4U.com. Fantastic places to get pictures of hot men of all types and in all positions.

When I sent the original email I told Kip that I loved his sites and was a stalker. Kip replied with gratitude that I found his site interesting enough to stalk. He then said I was only allowed to be the "good" kind of stalker, I could not be the bad kind. How freaking great is that? I love that attitude. :)

I have sent Kip some pictures I found interesting and he put a couple of them in with several of his own to create a spectacular leather layout. It is incredibly hot. I am inspired. Again.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

To fill a need...

I was recently reacquainted with a young man I had initially met when he was 9. I wasn't much older. Unloved and uncared for by his own family, he was known for being an angry and sometimes violent boy. We were friendly and spent a bit of time together when we could.

There were those in the neighborhood who tried to help. They gave him the occasional place after school and a meal. Of course he ended up in trouble and developed quite the reputation as a person you did not want to be on the bad side of.

I have been traveling extensively over the last decade but every so often, as I touched based with people from the old home front, I would hear something about the young man. He had made a brief effort to straighten himself out but the emotional drain was too much and he fell back to his old ways.

Old neighbors invited me to a picnic and I saw him again. He is almost 30 now. 6'2", 190 lbs with a shaved head, lots of tattoos and a fuck-you-let's-fight attitude, he gave off a dangerous vibe. People greeted him but being the herd creatures they were, carefully kept their distance from a potential predator.

He remembered me and I got an immediate hug. We sat down to catch up and I was deeply moved by what I saw and everyone else seemed to miss. This was someone in deep pain. A scared, vulnerable boy clearly visible to any Dominant, knowing person.

There were straight, heavy scars visible across his shoulders and sides. I understood immediately what they were. When I asked, he admitted that when he felt the most out of control, he would ask a friend to whip him bloody. He said it was easier to deal with physical pain than what was going on in his head.

I am telling you right now, I ACHED to take this man home. He had a void I needed to fill. I wanted to chain him in a room and slowly break him, until he understood deep in his soul that his only choice was acceptance. That he was neither in control of nor responsible for the things that were happening to him. Then, when I had his uncompromising submission and trust I would rebuild him. Make him strong again...

We exchanged numbers and may or may not cross paths again, but the burning urge to care for this man will take a long time to fade.

UPDATE: 5/22/11

I recently ran into this young man again. I am very sad to say he is in quite a bit of trouble psychologically.

He was excited and happy to see me, but it quickly became apparent there were significant isssues at hand. For the rest of the story I shall call this young man "Tim". This is obviously not his real name.

Finding out he was newly married, I invited Tim and his wife over for dinner and to catch up. The evening did not progress well.

I keep several types of alcohol on hand for my various friends. Tim drank a tumbler of whiskey as easily as I drink sweet tea. He alternated between tears and anger as we discussed some of the issues in his past. I understood immediately that Tim should not drink...EVER. (This was a serious escalation from last year, when he had several beers at the picnic and remained completely calm and focused.)

When he started to refill his glass for the 3rd time, I removed the alcohol from the table and put it away. We continued our chat but my concern over Tim's behaviour grew. His wife obviously was not aware of significant portions of his past, but was trying to be supportive. Unfortunately she is a quiet, plain girl who thinks she hit the jackpot with Tim.

At first I let him rant, then tried to gently redirect him. When that did not work, I became more aggressive and let him know he needed to calm down immediately as I was not going to allow him to behave this way in my home. Tim walked back to the kitchen to find the bottle he had been drinking from and get another drink. I immediately poured every bit of alcohol in the house down the sink, letting him know he would never have another drop while with me.

We spent a couple of hours discussing his self-destructive behaviours and the fact that he was really hurting the ones who loved him. He manically alternated between tears and anger over situations from his past. His cycles of depression and rage were quite extreme and I was deeply saddened by his state. It was undeniably clear that Tim requires significant professional help at this point.

After I calmed him, Tim fell asleep on the couch. I attempted to speak with his wife about counseling for both of them, as I am sure she has some of her own issues. This is not hidden behaviour, she is aware of what is going on.

I let Tim sleep for an hour, then woke him. Before I sent him on his way, I let him know that we would not be seeing each other again. I told him he had a lot of work ahead of him and wished him well, at the same time letting him know I would not be party to any of his future antics.

I took my stand and the ball is in his court. I hope that Tim will seek help, but I am not holding my breath. I wish the best for him and hope he can find the peace he so desperately needs.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Consider A Moment...

Some (very) vanilla people were having a discussion about BDSM. The sub would have felt this emotion, the slave would not have wanted to do that. How/why would someone ever allow themselves to be in certain circumstances? Yada, yada, yada.

Here are my thoughts and part of my response. By all means, let me know what you think.
Take a step back for a moment.

Around us each day we see examples of different types of relationships. While some few are truly between equals, most of what we see is power imbalance of varying levels. This can range from the person who is always thinking of others and gets pleasure from putting them first, to outright abuse. Add in emotional needs from environmental factors and you have a dizzying array of what may be.

Not everyone likes to acknowledge this, but all relationships have some value of D/s or power imbalance.

Do you make a meal you don't prefer on a regular basis to please another? Have you watched a movie you have no interest in because that is what your partner desires? Yielded an argument to have peace? Does love cause you to put someone else first in your life? Does it bring you pleasure to put the other first and see their pleasure?

What if you are so exhausted from the daily grind that you simply can't think or function except from moment to moment? Have you always had to be the strong one in your life and you yearn for someone else to be responsible, for even a short while?

Perhaps your environment made you feel the need to be in control at all times. Do you insist on what you want over anothers wishes? Long to take charge and care for someone who is not making the best decisions?

These things exist in all relationships. BDSM and D/s just acknowledges more openly what is already there and often takes it 10 steps farther.

Some play at this and no worries, it is all good fun. Bedroom Bondage is just that. A little spice for otherwise content partners. There are those that are vanilla in the rest of their lives, but maybe for a weekend or special occasion..?

By the time one has reached the level of Master/slave (consensually not abusively) the dynamic has reached such a point that it truly DOES NOT MATTER what the Master wants, the slave is happy and eager to give it to them and derives great pleasure from doing so.

Even for those who are more serious, there are so many levels and niches it boggles the mind. Just remember, for every rule there is an exception, especially in BDSM & D/s.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Pretty Things

Yummy. I feel soo much better now...

The Flirt

She's gorgeous. Smooth dark skin and big hazel-green eyes. I don't know her age. She has a flawless look and could be anywhere from 25 - 40.

She always dresses simply, in muted tones except for one spot of outrageously bright color. Sometimes it is her glossy purple eyeshadow or her brilliant pink earrings. Sometimes it is a large colored flower pinned to her dark curls.

We have been flirting for a couple of months now. I visit her store several times a week for business, during periods I know she will be working. I have never asked her name nor given mine, we don't require the exchange.

I enjoy watching her while I am waiting in line. She is friendly and personable to everyone. Small head tosses and winks are freely given but the little added huskiness in her voice, the slow glance from under her lashes, those are for me.

Occasionally, I wonder what she thinks of our moments. I believe that she is an opportunistic flirt, much as I am and it is lovely to play the game with someone who really, deeply gets it.

Our exchanges are always brief, never more than a couple minutes. From the time she notices me in her line and gives me the first little stare and that slow, shy grin my attention is focused on her.

What ever her thoughts or intentions, I look forward to our small interludes. She keeps me coming back for more.

Friday, August 13, 2010

A One Tract Mind

An acquaintance sent me a video today, one of the funniest damn things I have seen in a while. Take a peak and laugh your butt off.

At first I just laughed. Then I thought, I want to meet the guy who made this little contraption.

I imagine he is a bored engineer, though since this video comes from a military website it is difficult to say. How sexy would that be, an impish soldier making tiny toys, eyes sparkling and a shit-eating grin? I don't care what he looks like. The ingenuity and humor required to put this together have combined to create lust.

I want to taste and tease until he can't think and becomes completely mindless, then sate myself until I become the same.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Sexy, Confident and thinks fast too

I have always been a flirt and have always loved talking about sex. The combination has often brought me a bit of trouble with those who do not appreciate my open, winning personality. :) In one of my previous jobs, I was working as a Facility Manager at a large travel plaza. Since we were open 24 hrs a day, over 100 people worked to keep the place up and running. One of them was a young man named Austin.

Austin was gorgeous. In his early to mid 20's, 6'5", with dark brown hair, soft brown eyes and VERY fit, Austin had girls (and guys) hanging all over him. Soon after he was hired, I noticed that Austin was flirty as well and as often as not, was trying to flirt with me. Very flattering considering I was about 9 yrs older than him. The temptation to flirt back was horrible but the company had a strict policy of harassment and fraternization and I needed the work.

Being a mature and forthright young man, Austin sat down with me and asked why I would not flirt with or date him. I explained the company policy for upper management and how the biggest corporate fear was that someone would use their position to intimidate and coerce sexual favors from those who couldn't fight them.

Austin looked at me for a moment (all 5'1") and immediately burst into laughter. After he calmed down he asked if we could harass each other discreetly as we had the same sort of sexual humour. He also said he still liked me and at the very least I could let him hang around me to help keep the gadflies away.

For the next couple months we had a riot of a time, the comments flying fast and furious when out of earshot of others. One of the older female managers accidentally clued in and since she shared our attitude, work become a much more interesting place to be.

Due to employee call-offs Judy, the other manager, and I were were coming off looong shifts. We had both been at the site for over 24 hrs and were barely functioning. We were so tired that every time we counted the safe we got a different number, both from each other and from the last count. We were a mess. Our hair was down, shirts untucked, shoes kicked into a corner. If we could just get the damn count right, 12 hrs of sacktime figured prominently in our future.

At 5am we heard a key hit the lock to the saferoom. It was Austin, bright and chipper, ready to start his shift. We begged him to count for us. Laughing, Austin began the lengthy process while we dozed. 40 minutes later Austin had the count and he was grumbling. There was dirt on his knees from kneeling on the safe floor and his shirt was partly untucked.

Dusting himself off, Austin undid his belt to tuck in his shirt. He was not quite finished when a pushy cashier no one liked came bursting quickly into the room. I can imagine how we looked. I was dishevelled, on the floor sprawled again the safe. Judy was no better, on the table leaning again the wall and Austin still had his pants and belt undone.

Austin finished belting his pants and glanced at the cashier who was staring google-eyed. "Manager's Meeting", he stated calmly and walked out the door.

Judy and I laughed until tears were streaming down our faces....priceless.

Monday, August 2, 2010


So my friend Beth Wylde, traditionally an author of lesbian erotica, has just sold her first M/M story to Dreamspinner Press. It is called Dinner and a Movie. She let me read it right after she wrote it. Very short and very hot. For a lesbian author she sure got it right.

Here are some pretties for you sweetie, I am so proud!

And here is some inspiration for that next story...

Pretty Things

I found some great pics this week. Leather, bondage and men I want to make SWEAT with need.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Spreading the Love

I haven't been reading a lot this week. I have been busy stalking new blogs and chatting about erotica. One of the discussion groups I belong to recently listened to my suggestion and read Little Japan by Jaye Valentine and Reno McLeod.

The people in this group are pretty vocal about what they do or don't enjoy reading. Little Japan won unanimous approval and deservedly so.

Tension, angst, danger, love and (hot!) sex were blended in absolute perfection. The story is a mixed up triangle between three lovely men and yet it isn't only about them. There is also a fair sized cast of supporting characters. Jaye and Reno managed to make all of these men not only meaningful to the story but important to the reader as well.

I can lose myself in a story like this. It was so well written I felt like I was inside the characters, seeing and experiencing what they were. The requisite HEA/HFN was obtained in a satisfying manner.

One of the best things for me, but maybe not as appreciated by the authors (sorry in advance guys) is the fact that I got some really good fantasy masturbation material out of it.